Thank you James. I didn't think you were ever going to speak to me again.

No one can fix this but me , that's a sad truth that feels like the impossible , it's crushing me down. I can't find the solutions. I'm so angry & mean to people , almost wondering if I'm a psychopath who'd like to blow up the planet just to get the inevitable over with. How horribly evil & cynical is that? Which one is the real me? Or is real me gone into dust...

Thank you for lending your ear (all of you). People in my real life , if anything's even real , don't understand what I go through in my head , my emotions , my mood , my energy level. Here is the only place I can let my manic dramatic shine. Truly... Not understood anywhere else.

I would hug if I could right now. But I'm so grumpy I won't insult you by fake hug. I do care, just... Won't fake hug. I'm kind of pissed off that I know this will pass. Cuz then will I just think oh I wasn't thinking straight , when right now I feel so smart & angry to see the truth , that this world is a bad place. And that also makes me sad cuz I know from past episode experience I will see it differently when this passes. Why can't my brain just work right. I'm so defective. Dysfunct. Me.