I had a fairly normal childhood, not too rich or poor, parents argued but not horrible until later. My mother was rather self-involved and always left all the decision making to me (such as picking out groceries when I was five, and making a cake for the church bizzaar at six). She left me at home on weeknights with my baby brother and four year old sister when I was nine so she could have a date night with my dad. So not a perfect Mom.

But when I began to crumble under the weight of bullying (we moved every year and I was always the smartest kid in every class, which was not a popular thing for a girl) and became depressed in high school, she began ignoring me a lot.

I came home from my East Coast college (paid for by a scholarship I earned by being Merit Scholar) and told her my counselor advised hospitalization for me, she screamed, "No! No!" and ran from the room.

I have had various ups and downs, pretty severe.

I am now 55 and she is 84, and she will barely speak or look at me, and hasn't in twenty years. My father died when I was thirty. My aunts and uncle dislike me intensely and I pretty much have no family at all. This is tough at Christmas.

As my mom gets older, I keep wanting desperately for her to love me as I am. I know she never will, but I need to find out how to detach, because I am going downhill over this. Any talk of mothers or how people are supported by their families makes me physically sick.

Does anyone have advice or even similar stories? Thank you.