So, I can't decide for sure if getting my doctorate is the right decision or not. Originally, I was going to go straight from my masters to my doctorate and then I decided I needed a break and I wasn't sure if I wanted/needed to get it then.

So here's the situation:
• I'm not 100% sure if teaching at a university is exactly what I want…but then I don't know 100% what I want—just that I know that I want to work in the field that I'd be getting my doctorate in and I think it would make me a lot more "legitimate" for lack of a better word. Everyone who's anyone seems to have a doctorate.

• Financially, I can afford it now that I'm a resident of the state of the school I'd be trying to get into. Even without financial assistance, I can get my doctorate for about $20,000 (including tuition, fees, and books). That's definitely affordable…so that's not a problem.

• If I still have trouble finding a full time job afterwards, I don't know what I'll do. I don't think anyone will hire someone so specialized for anything else except for that type of job…so I may be shrinking the amount of employment opportunities instead of increasing them…I really don't know.

• Academically, I found my masters relatively easy and I'm familiar with the school/professors/program that I would be applying for…so as far as doctorates go, this will probably be on the easier side…not like getting a doctorate is easy, but it could be much more difficult.

• I don't really have a lot of confidence (never really did) and that could be holding me back. Who knows? My professors have told me that I'm really good at what I do, that I would be a good teacher (I have yet to earn a TA though, but the school gives almost everyone some sort of financial aid), and that I should go get my doctorate. I just feel unqualified when I start gathering the materials I need—What do I present in my portfolio as the professors are all very familiar with my work? What if it's not as good as last year? Can I use other professors at the university for references? What do I write for the essays? I've been doing almost exclusively fiction writing, not technical writing. For one of the essays, I can't look up anything or talk to anyone about ANYTHING referring to the essay. Because that's not terrifying at all…

I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing…maybe it's just self-indulgent and trying to make up for my lack of self-confidence with a bunch of degrees. I would at least finally feel equal to other people…but I just don't know. This is causing me so much anxiety. Everything is due in a month for the application, so I need to make a decision NOW and commit.

Someone please tell me I'm making the right decision and I don't have to feel guilty about it or tell me I'm NOT making the right decision and I should just go work full time in retail or something and hope I get lucky finding a job in my field that I enjoy.