Every time I drink it's like inevitable that so many of my symptoms come out. I drunk text guys that have been ignoring or avoiding me soooo much. I am considered "psycho" and I don't deny it. I wake up in the morning regretting it so much and saying sorry and explaining how I am a different person drunk and that's not who I really am. A few weeks ago I came home wasted and started making out with one of my friend's ex-boyfriends and now none of my friends are talking to me. They say it's because of some things I tweeted afterward about them or something. And I do these things on impulse; I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Since I've been so lonely and without friends I've been really trying to get things better with my hook up buddy. Things did get better and he finally didn't ignore me in public Thursday evening and we hooked up that night and it was fine. Friday evening, I went out with a few people got super wasted and vomited at the bar then proceeded to leave the bar wasted and walked to his house knowing that he was not there. His house was like a mile away and in the most dangerous part of town. I seriously could have died. I knew he wasn't home but I showed up and his roommates let me in and are always so kind to me. They told me to just sleep there and it would be fine as I proceeded to just cry at their house. So I texted him in the morning apologizing and letting him know what had happened. He wasn't super mean but he says he's definitely blocking my number (the blocking my number thing has always been my idea. I tell him to so I won't hit him up drunk) He says he's so embarrassed of me. I am so embarrassed. I am literally left with no one. It's because my BPD just comes out soooo much when I drink. I am absolutely done drinking at this point. I can't do this to myself anymore.