See I had an experience about a month ago that I kind of relate to this for some reason. I saw a kid get hit and it suddenly triggered feelings about my own abuse that I hadn't felt in a long time- most prominently fear. When I got to therapy and started talking to my T about it, I started to feel fear which was a big first. But I kept shutting it off. My T told me to follow the fear, but when I tried I had a major meltdown (discussed in my post called "am I crazy?" I think). Anyway, she saw that I wasn't ready and that going through my fear at that point was not safe. It was going to do more damage to me. So she told me I didn't have to follow that feeling, and I didn't. It went away (and hasn't come back). She offered to either end the session or talk about something more safe- my choice.

I asked her why she did that later, and she said that she could see I was floundering. I wasn't ready. She said when it gets to a point where your T is pushing you to relive, to experience, to feel things you are not prepared for, then therapy becomes abusive- and it's her job to keep me safe. I was SOOOO glad then that I have the T that I have.She specializes in abuse and neglect, and she really knows what she's doing.

Maybe you just need to explain to your therapist that you may not be ready for everything. That doesn't mean you don't try to feel at all, it just means that when you're trying to feel and it keeps shutting off when you're trying, you may not be ready for it. She needs to accept that and help you through this on your time, not hers. Your own psyche and your own soul have the wisdom to know when that is.

I hope that helps.

((((((((((((((((((ethersvirtue))))))))))))))))

SweetCrusader

comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable