I'm angry at people who are better than me. People who have earned kindness, adoration, and success over me. People who do everything so perfectly and are brimming with useful skills and self-confidence. People who get things done efficiently. People who meet everyone else's high standards for approval.

I want what they have. I know that it's almost entirely my fault that I'm not one of them. I know that I haven't earned all the good things they have. I'm trying, but not trying hard enough, I guess. People are still flabbergasted by my incompetence. People still scold me and remind me that I shouldn't be so happy with myself, because other people do better than I do.

I just want to be so brilliant and so disciplined and so admired that no one will ever call me lazy or stupid or selfish or not good enough ever again.