I feel I'm about to explode.
I can't believe I blew it so bad. I can't believe I don't have treatment anymore.

My t didn't answer my email, and probably she won't until next week.

Anyways, even if I could continue with her...I don't want every session to be like an ultimatum of wether ir not I am worthy of her time and treatment.

But...she is such a competent t...and it's hard to find that. I really need her. But I need her support, not her pushing me to something I don't feel ready for.

I bet she has no idea how much this is affecting me.

She's just tired of me. Just like all my previous ts and pdoc...I make them all tired. I push them away. I don't mean to. But the worst of me comes up in the sessions. It looks as if I don't care, as if I'm not commited to working to get better, but that's not true...it's just the fear and the pain