hey.

> even if I could continue with her...I don't want every session to be like an ultimatum of wether ir not I am worthy of her time and treatment.

yeah.

> I really need her. But I need her support, not her pushing me to something I don't feel ready for.

oh yes indeed.

> She's just tired of me. Just like all my previous ts and pdoc...I make them all tired. I push them away. I don't mean to. But the worst of me comes up in the sessions. It looks as if I don't care, as if I'm not commited to working to get better, but that's not true...it's just the fear and the pain

yeah, i hear you on that too.

sounds like she is pushing you pretty hard on this... i guess i don't really understand why you guys can't work something out. communicate by email or writing or something like that instead. sounds like you need some time to build up feeling safe and secure and having some trust.

i want to suggest writing because i don't know how the hell people manage to sort out things like this ftf.

to... tell her how you feel.
like... this whole thread maybe?

to tell her that you do want to work with her and you do like her but that she is pushing you too hard. maybe there can be some kind of comprimise? if not... it might be time to look at finding a t who will comprimise.

i'm sorry things are so hard for you right now.