Well here is an update on me....I was doing so well and had not had a drink or hurt myself for 3 weeks and even cancelled all my appointments with jane my alcohol counsellor.Ive had a pretty rough week with dad going into hospital and other issues Ive had to deal with.I feel a stong change in the way Im thinking.Its hard to explain but something has changed within me.Im getting to the stage where I need the alcohol to make me cut,I dont know if anyone eles feels that they cant cut themselves unless they have had a drink first,I want to drink all the time again so I can continue cutting,I can go without cutting for weeks on end but feel I have to have a drink to let myself cut and with the drink it does not hurt that much..I know im probbably babberling on But just thought It was about time I told you all where I am at the momment.At the momment Im getting no help at all For the drinking or the cutting but hey maybe thats a good thing..Noomore false appointments Nomore People checking up on me.It felt so good to hurt myself and nobody knew what I had done.I feel relaxed but also feel very on edge if that makes sense......Well Gonna close this for now but will write some more later.....