l can really relate to this. My T says to call if things are difficult. But l never know how to gauge them as difficult. Those dark thoughts are constant, so at what point do they become unsafe? While l can resist, them l guess l am safe, but when l can't resist, i.e. become unsafe, then it is too late to contact T. l just try and tell myself to have faith in the process, that however difficult it feels, it will pass. l hope things soon feel better for you. Soup.