It was very brave of you to share your feelings and experiences. I journal a lot and sometimes it is so much easier to express yourself on paper.The good thing is you were able to give it to your therapist. Maybe you can accept her kindness as a true expression of what she is thinking. And caring. It dosn't sound to me like that she thought of you as a freak at all but that she is concerned and would like you to learn to work through this with her. Please try and accept what your therapist is telling you. I don't get any indication that she is saying she doesn't want to see you but quite the opposite that she is there for you. If you can try and talk to her about your fears either verbally or in writing I think it will be very helpful for both of you. I will be thinking about you Monday. Take care of yourself and try not to hear her say what you think she is going to but what she really is.