I don't know why I keep thinking about cutting even though it's been a while and things are looking up right now. I don't know why and it's driving me insane. Even though things are fine every night for the past week I've been staying up late online looking at triggering things and it just makes me feel like such a terrible person. I want to cut for the sake of cutting. Maybe there is some underlying reason that I am not aware of, but I just want that rush and that distraction again, even though there is nothing to distract myself from. I guess I'm proud that I've gone this long but at the same time I am so mad. I hope that makes sense even though it probably doesn't.

- AJ