True story ...

My wife likes to degrade herself about her appearance. But I can produce evidence that her view is incorrect; while we've been married one man asked her out twice, telling her how he had seen how pretty she was on several occasions, the jewelry guy was trying to ask her out while I was there, guys buy her drinks at the bar when she's there ... on and on.

So, in this case her perception is incorrect and her self-esteem issues aren't based on reality.

I, on the other hand, have been told on more than one occasion how ugly I am, repeatedly turned down for dates with women that I developed strong relationships with ... by ever measure of appearance I'm a half step up from a troll.

So we have to be honest with ourselves. If we have 4 fingers on one hand we can't sit around lying to ourselves and saying we have 5. I can stare at the mirror all day and talk myself up all I want, but the image staring back won't change.

So what's the answer? I don't know, but if anyone can ever explain it I would love to learn it.