I never had good social skills and I come off as quiet and awkward. If I'm not quiet in a given social settings then I end up feeling stupid about the way I acted or saying something dumb so this reinforces me to keep my mouth shut and stay away. I think I used to not think so much about it either... like I would just kind of go with it and think "whatever, who cares" and I also had friends and stuff. In retrospect I view myself as the limpet of the social circles I found myself a part of... I purposely avoid all those people now. It's gotten worse for me over the years... think I used to just have poor social skills and manageable social anxiety, but now I am avoidant.

I have also always been fond of the drink. Do try to keep a lid on the drinking like you said, because nowadays I drink a six pack of IPA (7%, double alcohol to something like Budweiser) every night and smoke a pack a day. It started as a temporary band-aid but now is a problem of its own so I don't recommend it... it will not help you in the long run, trust me.

I don't even want to put myself out there because I feel I will fail socially, look and feel stupid, etc. At this point in my life I really am confident that I will not succeed socially even if I try. I've tried to optimistically "put myself out there" so many times in the past so I don't like to try it any more. I know plenty of people who are goofy and weird as hell, but don't seem to care what other people think - they just do their thing. That is what I need to learn to be like.

Thanks for your post and I hope mine was of some value to you. Good luck, man.