Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I'm sorry you're hurting, Growli. Try to remember that what you have with her is the best of her: Moms have their own needs, but when she's with you, she's there for you only. I think she said this now so that you'd face this pain before you leave for break. She's taking care of you.
Something else to consider: we all face the pain of realizing that our parents can't meet all our needs--it's just that most of us are so young when it happens that we don't remember.
You haven't lost her as a Mother: you can hold her in your mind and heart as your "Mother archetype." She can be available to you in your mind and heart whenever you need her. This belief can co-exist with the realistic knowledge that she isn't your Mother in the flesh. The intensity and power and comfort of this belief can be life-changing, and it can never be taken away from you. It's far more powerful than any "RL" connection. Let yourself nurture the connection and feel the comfort.  |
She told me this now because she doesn't want to be handling my emotions for me and then suddenly cut that off and put me back in the abusive environment for three weeks.
My parents never met any of my needs beyond just making sure I was fed and clothed. I never expected them to do anything but hurt me but I always felt this hole in my heart that they should have filled. I didn't cry out for my mom when I was scared because my mom didn't take my fears away. She was the one scaring me. Please don't try to relate my feeling of loss to a "normal" parent situation because it is not. It has nothing in common with that because it is by nature the absence of parents. My T tells me this all the time. No parent can fully take care of their child. Well I was never even partially taken care of so how on earth am I supposed to feel better about that?
People can access feeling loved and nurtured by their parents internally. They grew up with that and had years and years of time to experience being totally taken care of and then leaning how to take care of themselves slowly. I have had two months with my T. Granted, it was a lot of hours with her, but it is not nearly the same. How am I supposed to access something deep within that I don't have? People say "you gotta learn". How? "You got to learn to love yourself". How? How can I know how to love myself when the love I experienced growing up was strictly conditional if at all?
[EDIT] just wanted to clarify that I am not at all angry at FKM. I'm just seriously frustrated with an abstract idea I don't understand and really probably don't want to understand.