The part that really irritates me is that in any given group of females, I would be by far one of the best looking, most intelligent, and have one of the best senses of humor and personality. Maybe the problem with guys is that no matter how feminine I try to look and act, deep down I'm still too masculine. I'm usually not comfortable with physical touch or someone getting too close to me.

The point is that I can like myself all day, but no one I'm interested in is going to be attracted to me because I'm not what they want!

I guess the bigger point of this is that what's the point of working on yourself and your self-esteem if it's going to drive the people you like AWAY? It would improve my self-esteem if I got my doctorate. When I do though, I better find someone else who has (or is getting a doctorate) because it's already going to be awkward if I marry anyone as we'll have different last names. (I refuse to change my name because I'm published under that name.)

Everything about me is a deal breaker. Especially with me. I refuse to change my last name. I refuse to wear a wedding dress or any dress for that matter. Basically, by me being myself, I will turn a straight guy either bi or gay.

I just don't understand why I only seem to be attracted to straight guys when I'm around people of all genders and sexual orientations.

At this point, I'm just rambling so I'll stop.