I wondered if any of you are under ACt Team ( Assertive community treatment) and if you feel it has been beneficial to you?

I went to an initial meeting yesterday and feel really stupid for not preparing myself. Through that day I had three appointments one with psych, one to assess social anxiety issues and then a psych and social worker for Act.

I think i didn't help myself much, by the time my appointment came at two i could barely be bothered to speak and had lost all will to live. Eyes were watching me from the walls and the familiar swearing and degradation had started to pipe up in and out of my head. I remember saying that I felt the services would be better placed with someone who had hope for the future and could be relied on to actually put in some work to help themselves. I guess I shouldn't have said that but at the time I just felt so bad and didn't

At the moment I have no hope for the future, even though I act cheerful in front of others my insides are counting the moments. A constant battle of guilt, shame . I've tried so many things I'm just exhausted along with the expectations of all those around me. I am totally overworked. My Husband took two days off for exhaustion which is lovely that he can but I can't I've had two days proper holiday this year apart from 10 days enforced incarceration to a psych ward. I guess just shut up and be happy I had those.

I am watching everyone getting excited about Christmas and I just am filled with twisted bitterness and dread. I really just want to finish these commitments and disappear. Sorry i guess this became a vent.