I have never been in this situation but I have some thoughts.

1. It is not your daughter's decision if you date or not. You are the adult. You make your own decisions. Your daughter can express her opinion but she does not have the final say.

2. If he is gooing to AA and you are gooing to ALANON, I assume he has a drinking problem. Your daughter's observations by be spot on and you should consider what she says. Sometimes someone looking from the outside can see a problem in the relationship better than those in the relationship.

3. Your daughter is 16. 16 year olds generally think their parents are wrong and stupid. They are hard on the parents and think the parents are hard on them. This situation is a normal part of growing up. She is just being 16.

4. Some how you have given your daughter the power to detemine run the family. She knows it and she is controlling you. You have to take that power back and let her know she is the child in this relationship and you are the mother. You make the decisions for yourself and for her. It is your role in the family, not hers. Take it back.