Okay, so in the process of getting me emotionally prepared to face my rapist (who happens to be a family member) on Christmas, my T and I stumbled upon some more 'stuff'.

I never pee in public places. Like EVER! and that came up in therapy and at the last session because she believes that it may be related to some other trauma that I've had in my life. I totally shut down and didnt want to talk about the situation at all. It's not caused me any problems in life so I dont see the point in talking about it.

The aspect that has me worried is the fact that I have a...an...interest in a fetish that has to do with urine, full bladder, holding, and wetting, that I do in private and when I'm stressed out. This is very embarrassing for me and just typing about it has me blushing.

I have wanted to bring this up to T for quite sometime because I feel like it's strange and I've wanted to know whether or not something is 'wrong' with it and perhaps it may be connected to something that happened in my past, but I had a panic attack in our last session just thinking about talking about it, and so my T agreed that I wasn't ready to tackle the 'peeing in public bathrooms' thing.

I am just really conflicted and ashamed and embarrassed and I'm worried about how she will react when/if I tell her this. That coupled with these waves of strong affection that I feel toward her every now and then (not sexual or romantic, just deep genuine 'i love you as a person' and 'you have a beautiful soul' kind of affection) is driving me even more nuts than I already am.

Should I bring this up to her in our next session or just leave it alone for now?