Writing can be a good option, especially if you can't get an appointment for a while. Do you have one set up now? I like option #2 also. You aren't expected to be perfect all of a sudden. It's okay if you are anxious, and even numb, especially if you can talk about it. It is scary for you to show any vulnerability, even (or especially?) to T, isn't it? I know that you don't want to switch in front of him, but I had thought that you mostly didn't want to be expected to switch. If you did happen to switch though (just on your own), then what would that mean to you? Do you think that T wouldn't be okay with it? Would you be embarassed? And why? Do you think that he wouldn't deal with that appropriately?

There are lots of ups and downs in therapy, and it gets really rough when that relationship means so much to you. I never experienced that before my current T. There was never that intensity with the others. I wonder if having those ups and downs and that intensity is how you know that this time it's doing something? What do you think?