Biiv,

I can relate to the feelings you are expessing. I know what it is like to feel unworthy, feel unlovable, feel that I'm only hurting others if I'm around, feel like my sadness won't go away for nothing. In time, I've come to understand that, for me, these were the messages my abusers wanted me to hear. It's what they taught me. I think they did it to feel more powerful than me and to avoid looking at how disgusting, inhuman and evil they were being. They chose to hurt a child. They chose to intimidate a child so they wouldn't get caught. They were despicable.

In recovery, I've chosen to take that child within me back and re-learn who I am. I am worthy of love. I have courage. And, believe it or not, I see the beginning of that in you. You are reaching out to express your pain. That takes courage for us as survivors because, as children, we were taught not to trust. We learned not to trust other people or even ourselves. By expressing your feelings, your grief and your fears, you are showing your courage. You are fighting back against the wrong things you learned as a child.

Please keep taking little steps forward. Please keep reaching out for help and companionship. You deserve love. You deserve to be with others. You deserve to heal. You are not alone Biiv. We are here with you.

Be well,

mtd