this is what we worked on in therapy today. I don't know what to think about all this but I am going to try and keep an open mind . she told me that she would guess that my feelings that people disliking me is often my perception. but she didn't make me feel judged about that at all and I am thankful for that .I just wish that I could automatically see things her way. she just seems to see thing so differentially .people don't seem to bother her. what she says always seems so clear and even if I wanted to say something it seems to just be a jumbled mess in my head. she ant seem to see things how I see them and I cant seem to tell her . but today at least I seem to feel she did want to work with me around this. but she still has not told me how I can change how I perceive things .

she said that she is not surprised at how I am seeing things with the kind of childhood I had and my experience with people but that I cant let the mother color my whole world like I am .HOW do I stop??it does not seem all that possible. so much is going through my head. how many people have hurt me and betrayed me in my life . it was not like a poor me thing but more of a this is how I know things .this is how things are . have you ever felt that things are all you ever know and that just cant be changed .it is who you are. this is how I feel .it is who I am and it ant be changed