Not my death, not anymore. But I can't stop thinking about the death of others, particularly murder.Today alone I've watched six or seven documentaries on serial killers, murderers, anything like that. I hate to see others suffer, and I want their suffering to end. But time and time again I've seen that suffering ended only with death, and now I feel like I want to help with that. But I hate that feeling and I don't know why it's there. It's another part of me I've never seen before and it scares me. I feel like seeing somebody die would be exciting. Sexually exciting. But saying this is hard because I hardly believe that these thoughts are mind. I feel like they aren't. It's terrifying. I don't understand this. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow afternoon, but I'm scared to tell him. I don't know what to do...