Do you believe that God makes some people unloveable by purpose - loved by Him but unloveable by people? That somehow this serves a purpose for Him. I believe I am one such person.

The other night I went too far with pills and ended up with the police and the ambulance.

I had reached an ending point in my life and I was angry that it was not my decision to make regarding my life - I personally didn't call for the police and ambulance.

Many events brought this incident on - tests, procedures during the last 3 months to determine what is wrong with me. Invasive tests.. that for the most part I have done by myself.

My son and I had a long chat, he moved in with his girlfriend in Jan. She feels and now he feels that I shouldn't be a part of their future faimly life. My ED makes their life disruptive. It is difficult to do things with me around the holidays. Though I have successfully raised my son with a good life - that he would even tell you was good. My ED makes me it so they would not want me to be a grandmother. My son's girlfriend did suggest that I pay for an expensive vacation. I guess I'm OK for that.

Early in the day, my dog 12-13 years old had a seisure, I have been trying to decide when I need to do something - but as most of you know that is a very hard decision. I am also very allergic to him - making my bronchial asthma much worse. I have been trying to deal with it by giving him weekly baths.

Also that day, I didn't have any food in the house. I have milk, coffee and fish in the house now.

I am in a great deal of physical pain, and the lack of oxygen from the sleep apena is turning my toes a deep purple color. I am finding it difficult to eat anything except coffee.

I put a post in General - and I wanted to explain some of what went behind it.

I just wanted eveyone who saw the other post to understand that I do love my dog and have been treating him thru the vet for over a year - but I have to make some kind of decsion at some point.