How okay do you feel about the fetish? Maybe, if you haven't already, it would be worth exploring some of the kink-positive literature out there on fetishes. Maybe you can do so e of the work to overcome your shame on your own before you bring it up with her. It might feel good to know that you're in good company, that lots of people are intrigued by the same kinds of things.

And, wow, facing your rapist at Christmas. I can imagine that this isn't the easiest time. Maybe wait until after this trauma (and potentially a week or more away from T) before bringing up something that is so difficult to say.