She was really nonchalant, tho i wasn't able to look at her, so i don't know what her facial expressions were. She sounded very genuine and caring. She explored it with me a bit (or tried to, but i had a lot of trouble taking about it). She asked questions, and listened when i talked. She was very supportive and told me it was a huge risk especially when i felt so shameful about it. We talked about the parts that were likely a result of the assaults, and some of the other stuff that she thought was just fetish stuff. It's still really difficult for me to talk about, we are working on that. Until last week, she would read the stuff i wrote before i got to season, we would talk about the contents. Last week tho, i actually read it out loud (so much anxiety over it, but it needed to happen. I felt stuck just having her read it but not having said it out loud to someone). It was the first time i spoke out loud about all of that stuff... she's been really awesome about it. I've asked if she thought differently about me for what i told her, and she said no. I trust that she is telling the truth.... It sounds like your t would be also (from what you say about her and the relationship). Whatever you choose tho, good luck...

Also, there's some good stuff out there are fetishes. You kinda have to look for it, but it's out there. If you have some time and privacy to do so, you can Google your fetish and read up on it. If you stick to the written stuff (no image searches or video searches), you can pretty reliably avoid the porn. There are more blogs and sites about it than i had realized. And it may make you feel a whole lot better (there's some stuff that made me wonder, but to each his own. I try not to judge because mines so "out there" in terms of "normal" sexual behaviors). I checked out fetlife.com also. I guess it's kinda like Facebook for the fetish community. I signed up on a brand new email under an alias just to check it out. There's some interesting stuff there, but (with anything else along those lines) be careful about clicking links and anyone you may talk to. While the majority of the people i there were cool, it had it's fair share of scary people also.

Feel free to pm if you want to talk more about any of that, or just continue the conversation as it relates to the thread. I didn't mean to get so off track, but researching all that stuff helped me get to a point of talking about it. Though your t may have better info (especially if she is more familiar with treating sexual assault stuff, tho i had a great t who was not specifically an assault t but she was a wealth of info on every aspect of it).

Anyway, disclosure comes with risk, but it can be helpful if you are ready for it.

Also, i can't even imagine what you are going through right now at the thought of confronting your rapist soon. Good luck with that and I'll be thinking of you. That takes so much courage and strength. (Hugs)