I'm deeply paranoid about posting this, but I have no idea what to do.

I was a pretty crappy child growing up and I always thought this was from autism. I realize now after being with so many autistic individuals (including children) they did not act like the way I did growing up. I won't explain what I have done, but they are over the top terrible and I have no idea why no one ever saught help for me. My family gives me grief about this all the time and there was someone that I (in terms of better words) treated very badly. Everytime my boyfriend and I go over to this person's house they rag on me and try to call me out. I realized I had deeply hurt (possibly ruined) this person. What am I suppose to do? I can't have this person keep trying to expose me and jeopardize my life. Also, I can not avoid this person because they are related to me.

Also, I am not diagnosed with aspd because I do not want to be tested. I'm too paranoid to have that label and I already have too much history in my psychiatric files.