I emailed T because I was confused about a feeling I was having. I asked T why when I think of my childhood and think about the care and love I didn't get I don't feel angry.
But when I replace that thought with what I get with you I feel angry at you, why?
She replied with this.......

Dear ******

I think you probably do have feelings of anger about your past experiences, but they are perhaps overlaid with a sense of hopelessness and resignation. You feel more hopeful about your relationship with me, so you don't have to hide your anger - and also you perhaps feel there is some point to feeling angry with me.

Love,
*****

which hit home. The feeling of anger I have toward her feels a hopeful anger.