I posted this to the depression forum as well, then realized it may get more feedback here. Thanks.I was doing really well. Started a new medication. Over the past week or two (been on the med for about 2-3 weeks) I've been able to recognize when I start to feel overwhelmed and stop myself, prioritize what needs to be done, say a handful of positive affirmations and move past it. I have 3 kids, 1,5, and 10. Husband is often away at work or school. I am often alone. My middle child has type 1 diabetes and I suspect ADHD, I love him to the ends of the earth, the truth is though, he is loud and hyper and demanding and intrusive and exhausting. My 1 year old is typical into-everything-all the time, age appropriate but at the most labor intentive stage of her little life. Trying to entertain and arrange play dates and enriching activites for my oldest is a challenge, getting out of the house is as pleasant at a sharp object to the eye. Having friends over for her is hard too because then, the entire time my 5 year old complains about not having a playmate. I can't do a houseful of kids. My husband and I talked about that I need to reach out to others with kids and maybe do a kid swap to get a break. The 2 or 3 people that I would trust to be able to handle my sons medical needs and chase after a 1yr old -have kids of their own, I feel it would be too much to ask. Relatives? The ones I trust live too far away (like an hour). I RARELY GET A BREAK. I regocnize that I was depressed and had turmoil before I had kids. I would benefit from therapy, but who will watch my kids while I go? So heavy hearted right now. I feel like I just can't do this. I hate it. It makes me feel like a crappy mom. I know logically I do the best I can and my best is pretty decent. Had a bad night and now having a difficult morning. I just feel lost. Thanks for listening.