I have been able to regulate my sleeping patern in the last day or so, and I had a great work out on the stationary bike about an hour ago. I've been working out on it regularly since I saw the Endocrinologist on the 5th. I will see on the 30th at my appointment with my primary care doctor how I'm doing physically and weight wise.
Having an action plan for improving bogth my mind and body has helped me tramendacly. I have come to the realization that I'm not satisfied with just "getting by". I will not allow BPD or the MDD to run my life forever. I am the only one who can make my life worth living, who can restore the shambles I once made of it with my mal-adaptive behavior. and I will make my life into something worth living, for more than just my kids because I realize if the only thing keeping me going is my children, I will have nothing when they are gone. I once knew someone who is currently living my worst nightmare, I saw my future in them if I don't get my life in order and helped me realize being sober simply is not enough.
I know I have a lot of work to do, but I now fully understand that I will get back only what I put into improving myself both mentally and physically.
Those of you who are really struggling, especially those of you with substance abuse, remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't magically get better once I stopped using. In fact the there was a month long period of time at the end of my sobriety when I was suicidal, I even had a plan because despite my sobriety things were not getting any better. I was ready to give up but I didn't. I percysted in the face of failure. I am so glad I did because things are finally starting to fall into place for me. 2014 is going to be my year. I spent the longest time trying to find the magic answer, the thing that would magically make everything all better. but my old therapist was right, there is no such thing. Only work and dedication on my part will change my life and mold it into something worth while. Improve my "Quality of Life" so to speak.
Ok so that turned a bit rantish, sorry.
Hope everyone is doing well.