I would rather you numb right now, than stress out over the what if'ing that doesn't help you at all!

You know... if I may be so bold...

Either she has cancer or not.
It could be treatable or not.
It could be easily treatable or not.
It could be a long road or not.

What in the above would change how you feel about her? What in the above changes what you would do for yourself and others?
What would you do differently in the future, with her, for her? Those things you can think about... some good stuff plans things you would like to do...

don't forget to find out what she would want to do ...IF...