Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
I don't want to sound like a stuck record but your T's way of interacting with you does make me uneasy, ie the comment about 'doing what a normal mother would do'.
And as it happens, no a healthy 20 year old in a good relationship with their mother doesn't look to the mother for constant emotional support, but the thing is everyone is different and in different circumstances. A 20 year old with depression will be more dependent on their mum than a 20 year old without any mental health issues. Or any other illness, or rough time, or whatever. That's why I find what she's doing deeply uncomfortable - she makes these little throwaway remarks likening herself to your mother, and does these simple yet lovely and important things for you (like helping with the make up) but what I find incongruous is that that's ALL she can do - whereas, a 'real' mother would go to the ends of the earth for you and lay down their life to make things ok for you. Good mothers fervently wish they could do anything to take away your pain, and would gladly swap places with a beloved child and suffer instead of them.
Obviously, your T cannot (and shouldn't) do that - so it's not fair to play this cat and mouse game with you. I think it's really cruel to make references to being a 'mother' to you, when she is so, so limited in what she can do.
Just to reiterate, I am aware this is my opinion. I'm not saying it's right or wrong for anyone else, and am prepared to be educated on why I might be wrong in my view.
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I worry about her being a little bit careless about her words at times. I'm not sure if that is just me being excessively nervous of being really close to someone and then getting hurt or a legitimate concern. I don't know if it is really hurting me when she says something and then I wonder why she would say that in the context of the T/client relationship because I'm analyzing her as a human being capable of making mistakes as opposed to a mother figure. I'm not just blindly clinging to her every word like a child would actually do with their mother. I'm highly critical of everything I hear from absolutely anyone because my parents lied to me so much as a kid and I wonder if the fact that she knows I'm constantly doing (because she absolutely does know) that makes her feel more comfortable just talking because she knows I'll either take her statements as something to analyze, or confront her if I think she screwed up.
The thing is that I agree, a good mother would go to the ends of the earth for their child. I just don't know what that looks like. I don't know what that would entail. My mother didn't do these basic things like help me with makeup or comfort me when I cried. Simple basic things like that feel like her going to the end of the world for me because no one gave that much of a damn to do that in the past. I mean the fact that anyone would take time out of their life to try and make me feel better is a really big deal to someone who has only known worse if that makes any sense. I don't really know what I could expect of her that would be "going to the ends of the earth". She argued with my mother on the phone, trying to protect me, while throwing up with the stomach flu from her house on a sick day. No one has ever done anything remotely like that for me before. No one has ever actually tried to protect me.
I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't over intellectualize her as much and just take what she gives me.