So about a year ago I was abused and r**** and now that it's that time of year again I can focus, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I just can't do anything. I'm having all my PTSD symptoms again... I feel like it's happening all over agin. It's been a whole year since it happened and I thought I had forgotten about it. But on the exact date that THAT happened, I could barely go to school. I couldn't move. It was like my brain was frozen in fear. Just like I was THAT day.
Like I said all my PTSD stuff is back.
I can't eat
I can't sleep
Can't think or focus
Hearing that girl in my head again
Constantly shaking (ALL THE TIME)
Suicidal thoughts (NOT actions)
Wanting to SI (like I use to)
Seeing my abuser everywhere
Minor hallucinations
All this stress and fear is too much for me to handle. I pray and pray and read my Bible and I just can't seem to calm down. I'm snapping at my friends who love me. I can't be near guys or I start tearing up (from fear). I'm being super mean to my friends and I can't help it. I am never mean and It kills me that I can't seem to control it.

I know it sounds confusing, but I would VERY MUCH appreciate it if you would leave advice or something.
Thank you

EXTRA: I am now 15 and in 10th grade. And the time of the abuse and R*** I was 14 and in 9th grade.

NOTE: please refrain from using the word R*** thank you