Thought about checking in in the depression board, but I don't know. It didn't feel... right? this time. Or something like that. Been MIA for a while. Just haven't felt sociable. This past week I've been... I don't know. I can't explain it.Elated? For lack of a better term. I go from not wanting to sleep/feeling like I don't even need to, to just all around exhaustion. But I'm not depressed. I haven't stared that beast in the face yet this month. Which is odd, because well, it's December. Have had a lot of thoughts going through my head. Have written a lot of them down. I have only barely managed to remember to take my pills the past few days.

Saw my psychologist today and unlike the past several times, I managed to speak. Wasn't even entirely sure what I was saying or why I was saying it, but I spoke. And quite frankly and honestly, too. Mixed feelings there. At least some stuff is out in the open now. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, though. Which I am dreading. Not sure I can afford an upped dosage or anything added. We're behind in rent. We need to come up with 700 bucks by... tomorrow. I can't afford more meds. I am literally barely scraping by. I am currently rambling and I have no idea why. I totally forgot my point.

All I know is that it is 4:30 AM. I have an appointment tomorrow, but I can't sleep. And I don't know what to think about anything at the moment. But it's a decent feeling. A strange, decent feeling.