So, I'm meant to be flying out of London first thing in the morning to go home for Christmas. Part of me is really looking forward to seeing everyone - I've been looking forward to catching up with them for ages.

But the other side of me is having a MAJOR wobble about going home I feel slightly panicky at the thought of leaving my safe little nest here. I got weird and shaky just nipping out to the shop earlier to print my boarding pass, and had to keep reminding myself to calm down.

Being back home throws up so many memories. Good ones, which choke me when I think of them, because those good days seem so long ago. And bad ones, like last Christmas with someone in my family being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Hearing him calling for me, after he vomited blood at the top of the stairs, trying to reassure him and hold him up...Memories like that are slowly passing through my head all day.

I've definitely made a step forward in therapy; I've been feeling less worthless, and more in tune with my own feelings. However, being more in tune means feeling all the pain more acutely than pushing it away

Anyway, I thought I'd post and see what anyone else is feeling now as we approach Christmas? What have you observed about your mood or thoughts or anything? How do you feel your therapy has influenced things?