Hello there I'm a newbie here. And looking to get myself out there. First of all I am obese I way around 350 I have not been on a scale in 2 months so not shore how much I actually weigh. I am also a fan of the PC my desktop is my best friend and has been since I was like 12 or 13 and our relationship just grew from there. I am on my deskptop from the time I wake up till the time I decide to lay down to try and sleep. I don't even know how much sleep I get. All I know is when I start to yawn and my eyes get heavy I turn off the desktop and lay in bed. But I toss and turn for I don't know how long. And since I live in Wisconsin the furnace is always going and its hot as hell in my room even my small fan dose not keep it cool enough in here.

But the Desktop was not my first passion. I guess it would have to have been CUTTING. Paper cutting that is. I cut anything from newspaper, cereal boxes, soda cases of 12 packs. I will even tear the front and back pages off of magazines and catalogs for there glossy paper. I take my scissors and cut the paper into 1 or 1-1/2 inch strips and the I cut them into little tiny pieces. I can fill a empty walmart bag in like 2 or 2 and a half days.I do it for hours. If I look at the time on my computer at 12 for example and then look back again it might be 2:30 or so and then I realize how long I have been cutting for and then I try and slow down but it dose not help. A few years ago my mother tried hiding my scissors just to make me stop. She would even hide them in the bathroom under the cupboard in a small box or anything. I would buy more scissors and use them. I would buy scissors for $1.00 to $6.00 just because some are sharper then others. I still cut paper more then I care for my self.

I eat a whole bag of chipping while cutting paper and watching anime or tv shows or movies on my desktop. I eat and eat and eat. And when I try on clothing rom my closet that my mother bought me. I feel stupid and I make myself promises. I tell myself "I will clean my bedroom tomorrow to get rid of the dirty dishes and plates.I will stack up my newspapers and get rid of them I will,I will, I will." But I never do. I will go for a walk once a day even of its to the end of the driveway. "Oh its to cold. I can't find my shoes. I don't want to today. I will tomorrow." But tomorrow never comes because I turn on my desktop and pick up my plastic drawer that I cut the paper up into and then empty into a bag.

I never do anything for my health. I don't know if its because of my bad habit of turning to the computer because there's no one else to turn to or if its because of a deeper problem.

All I know is I turn to the paper cutting and desktop more then fitness and healthy eating. And I don't really think I care much to be honest. I don't see myself as fat until I look in the mirror or until I look at a picture of myself. I always figure the less people see of me the less embarrassed I have to be. So when I turn to my paper to keep my hands busy while waiting for my videos to load. I don't have to worry about embarrassing people because I'm alone.

Its sicking how alone I am but whats worse is I don't think I care anymore. I keep getting bigger and bigger. I look online for help to lose weight but I know I can't do it alone and every-time I think about how hard it is I turn back to picking up my box and closing out the weight lose help sites.

I think there is something wrong with me but I have never asked for help before. I decided to write this on here to open up to as many people out there that decides to read this post.

God bless.