Thank you for the replies.

Wife and I have had a few discussions on some of these issues. Mostly the yelling and her getting mad at me over relatively insignificant things. She doesn't deny that it happens, but so far the specific times we've discussed that I thought were over the top, she has said that for the most part, she wasn't even mad at me, just stressed out and she took it out on me. For example, the laundry issue I mentioned, she said she was stressed out about things she had to do that day, that she really wasn't even upset about the laundry. One of the times she got mad at me about what we should have for diner, she said it was that she had a bad day at work and took it out on me.

She doesn't deny that it happens, but says she didn't know how much it was hurting me. She says that her family always yelled and screamed at each other and never took it personally. I'm not sure what I think about this...I really don't see that in her family, at least not to the extreme that she shows me.

In either case, I don't know if her explanation makes it any better or not.

I guess where I am right now, I have two things I have come to realize.

1) I am not going to allow myself to be treated that way anymore. To do so will erode my own self esteem to the point that I won't like who I am any more.

2) I absolutely will not bring a child into a marriage where either partner isn't comfortable with the way they are being treated, and confident, and able to trust the way they should expect to be treated. To do that would make me a bad person.

In the short term though, I don't know how to go forward. I don't know if the right thing to do is to try to work through this with her or get the heck out.

On one hand, I feel guilty for letting it get this far before being more aggressive about fixing things, like I should have recognized that we need to be getting help earlier. Reflecting back though, I initially just tried to brush it off as newly wed stress, or denied to my self just how much it was hurtful to me. I think now, I realize that nothing I did deserved that level of rage. I don't talk to people I hate that way, even when I am mad at them. Even recognizing that now though, I still feel guilty for letting it go this far and feel a sense of responsibility to try to make things better if she shows a genuine effort and recognition of the effect her anger has on me. (she has acknowledged she has an anger issue).

On the other hand, I also feel ashamed of my self for allowing myself to be treated that way for as long as I have. Again, I know I suppressed it a lot, and that to some extent is on me, but I've gone from being hurt and anxious to more angry at her and ashamed at myself. I don't really know how to get past that...or if I should.

Part of me thinks that I have now seen a side of her that scares me, and that she's not going to be able to change, and part of me has the fear that if I let this go I could be giving up something I may never have again.

This is where I'm at after discussing only a few of the issues. I'm very stressed out. Hopefully meeting with the therapist will get this all out on the table and help me gain perspective.