Hi Goodfortune,
I can't remember what I actually said in my original post so sorry if I repeat myself.
It is all so overwhelming that life can be this bad. I have had the hardest time trying to understand myself and learning to love who I am. I have been in therapy for over 12 years and haven't grown much which is really scary and hurtful. My husband keeps saying he has the ability to be happy and I don't. I cry everyday wondering when will I be able to be happy. My whole family has the issue of lack of communication skills which is really putting a wrench in this issue. My husband and I just had the discussion last night that he will probably move out soon. I know things are not working between us. It is ripping my heart out to know that my low self esteem is making such an impact. I am very sensitive and get upset by anything negative my husband says. I want so hard to feel better about myself and have been told that I am fighting feeling better; I just want to die. On top of which I am not confident with my meds and am in search of a new doc. I am having such a lack of processing and organizing my thoughts.

You are right, I dont know how to do anything for myself I don't feel worthy. I actually need four more classes to finish my graduate degree; my husband is nagging me to finish, I don't have the energy to do it and he is frustrated that I am not following through with our plan. Another big issue is that I don't follow the plans we set out; it goes along with me not knowing what I want in life and changing my mind.

I have to find the strength to look within myself. This is something I have not been able to do. As you said I always feel guilty. I am not sure if divorce will make me be stronger. I am really concerned about the monetary issue.
Mothers need to stick together; we all know how precious our job is.
Thanks for listening