faerie moon, wow, your under a lot of pressure--a steam pot ready to explode. You need to find some type of a relief valve to let off some steam/stress. Does it help you to write here? If so, keep writing! Sneak away to the bathroom and just take a few personal moments to deep breath. I don't know how to help you...but, I know you have the strength to overcome this. Hang in there and fight for any bit of peace you can get. You deserve peace--we all deserve a little peace........D.