Well, First off, my ideal way to approach this dilemma would be a non-medical route. I agree with you Alexandra 100% but I am feeling desperate and I have no coverage for therapy. I can justify spending money on clothes and wine and most tangible objects but for whatever reason I can't get my head around the idea of spending ALOT of money of therapy. It is something that I might have to just get over! I would love to hear any other options there are for therapists? Is there a cheaper alternative, truth is I haven't looked into that possiblity.

About my anxiety. I am afraid to let peoploe down, I have a fear of saying something wrong or stupid (recent), I think my entire anxiety actually revolves around a fear of people finding out Im not what they think I am. They expect something and I am not able to perform. When I am is a situation where this becomes an issue, my face goes red, which in turn causes me to feel worse, I start sweating, my heart races, I get light headed, I feel like Im going to pass out sometimes. Oh and my hands have actually started to tremble as a response! How embarrassing. That's an idea of how I feel when its really bad, but as daily issue, I get more of that racing heart and sweating when Im stressed, but that incluses mind blanking. It is hampering my development and growth in everything!

I also have a paralizing fear of relationships. Im an anxious idiot around men, Far beyond what I would consider "normal nervousness"

I really hate myself

Does sounds like I need some therapy ontop of drugs! Doesn't it? Or not?