I think it is important for you to be able to discuss your thoughts and experiences with a therapist. It could be a psychologist or a social worker. Someone who is trained in therapy. When I first went to therapy I found it difficult to talk about things that had happened in my past. My therapist allowed me to write to her and that helped me to open up. There are many ways of approaching therapy. If you don't have a therapist or counselor it might be a good time to start. You seem to be in the right frame of mind to work through your trauma. You are looking for answers and that is a start. Take care.