I have not experienced the more serious CSA but my T had finally convinced me that I WAS a subject to emotional abuse. I can understand not wanting to 'condemn' the abuser because I had a perverse attachment to 'protecting' that person.

I think there are multiple reasons - at least for me - I couldn't be absolutely positive that my memories were accurate or that I wasn't blowing things out of proportion or I wasn't being a bad person by telling these horrible stories. I didn't trust myself to know the whole truth.

Of course, my abuser knew very well how to confuse me - by subjecting me to a ton of criticism and then by being sweet and nice. So, I would remember the sweet and nice and minimize the abuse.

So, how could that person really be an abuser, I'd ask myself? So sweet and nice to me - I must have it all wrong. And my abuser could so easily convince me it was ME who was screwed up. (oh, my abuser being a practicing therapist made me even less able to trust my own judgment)

So, sure - I felt guilty about any bad-mouthing or complaining. It took awhile for my T to finally get me to really see that I had been abused. And it wasn't her just saying so because she had said so during months of therapy and I just couldn't believe her. I knew she was wrong and that I was just a whiny person.

It wasn't until I met someone who is a national expert witness for abused women who showed me all the signs that I was being manipulated. Her credentials and her firm and blunt analysis of my situation finally helped me see the truth.

But, even now, I feel guilty about talking about what had happened. Even now I feel the need to protect the abusers' privacy. But, emotional abuse is different from CSA and I agree with some posters that switching loyalty from abuser to any potential future victims is a goal worth pursuing.

It takes awhile for the cognitive rational brain's acknowledgment of a situation to transform into clear emotional acknowledgment of that same situation. It's easier to 'know' the facts than to 'know' emotionally. So, don't worry if a bit of time is needed before your emotions catch up, ok? Good luck. Hugs