I still think you're relatively in control of your emotions, but that's compared to me where everything becomes life and death immediately and for no logical reason. I'm sure we both could be more in control of emotions…I just don't know how without simply squashing any feelings that I'm attracted to someone immediately or just not pursue it at all and keep it in my imagination.

I figured by coming on too strong you meant emotionally, but I didn't want to just assume. I definitely wouldn't breach the physical/sexual barrier either, but that's more because of intense anxiety and phobias surrounding touch and anyone seeing any part of my body. Anytime anyone has seen anything, I've always had a negative reaction or I was being made fun of so I pretty much cover everything all the time. The one thing I actually like about winter—no one thinks it's odd for me to be covered head to toe.

Even though I physically can't breach the physical/sexual barrier, unlike you I don't seem to have a mental block thinking about someone sexually. I sort of wish that were the case though. It sort of haunts me and I usually feel really badly about thinking about that, but unfortunately I do. Recently, I had a dream about the guy I currently seem to be at a stalemate with…a long, vivid dream that I am able to remember in relatively good detail. And now that dream is going to haunt me…mock me even, like it's saying that this is what "normal" people can have and this is the closest you'll ever get to emotional/physical intimacy.

I guess another difference between us is, as you said, you've been around the block. I haven't. I don't have hope of ever being married to anything but my career…if I ever have one. I'm hoping once I'm in a relationship/have sex etc. that it'll satisfy all my curiosity so I can move on with life.