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Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
I still think you're relatively in control of your emotions, but that's compared to me where everything becomes life and death immediately and for no logical reason. I'm sure we both could be more in control of emotions…I just don't know how without simply squashing any feelings that I'm attracted to someone immediately or just not pursue it at all and keep it in my imagination.
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It may seem that way, but not entirely true. I am very passionate about the things I love and it just explodes with women. Take my art, I love it and put every ounce of energy into it, I obsess and can do it for days.. in spite of everything around me. Gaming, almost as much. Then when it comes to female counterparts that I find myself getting attention from it's both of those things combined and I lose control everytime. outside of those things most people would think me to be a pretty reserved and laid back person because I'm introverted.
I agree, I don't know how to control it yet, aside from abandoning any thoughts of having her at all or something.
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I figured by coming on too strong you meant emotionally, but I didn't want to just assume. I definitely wouldn't breach the physical/sexual barrier either, but that's more because of intense anxiety and phobias surrounding touch and anyone seeing any part of my body. Anytime anyone has seen anything, I've always had a negative reaction or I was being made fun of so I pretty much cover everything all the time. The one thing I actually like about winter—no one thinks it's odd for me to be covered head to toe.
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I have some problems with my appearance too, not so much about my body but my looks otherwise. I had been ridiculed from a very important person in my family for years and most of the time related to my stature and my looks. a few women even have verbalized how they find me attractive and no matter how many times i hear compliments they tend to go into a deaf ear. but the moment someone mocks me about my looks I think about it for a month. Even insignificant trolls on boards (gaming) that bashed me for the sake of bashing by commenting on my avatar. (always some dude that isn't even brave enough to show his own face so it shouldn't even matter but it does)
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Even though I physically can't breach the physical/sexual barrier, unlike you I don't seem to have a mental block thinking about someone sexually. I sort of wish that were the case though. It sort of haunts me and I usually feel really badly about thinking about that, but unfortunately I do.
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I've had thoughts of sexual things related to women that I like but I literally fight myself and push them away... hard. it's like "no. you can't think about her this way .. yet." Idk I know I'm weird but it is true.
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I guess another difference between us is, as you said, you've been around the block. I haven't. I don't have hope of ever being married to anything but my career…if I ever have one. I'm hoping once I'm in a relationship/have sex etc. that it'll satisfy all my curiosity so I can move on with life.
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Well, having "been around the block" does not mean I feel I am very experienced with women or have "played the field" like some guys would call it. Not at all. I can at my age still count every one of the girlfriends I've had including my two marriages on one hand.
And having been through marriage, at least the ones I've had is not necessarily the best thing. They were painful experiences with controlling, cheating women and it's left me rather cynical about it all. The best thing that came out of it was having kids whom I love dearly.
Being around the block and experiencing all that just means. I've got what I need for the most part and I need not be in a rush to do it again and I sure as heck don't want it to be with the wrong girl again. I hope to make a good decision on this when the time comes but that's what worries me about my emotional dysfunction.
ok enough of my rambling.