Reflecting on the holiday seasons, of past, the bittersweet ones; they are just stuck there, in my memory bank. The one, I am replaying tonight, was thirteen years ago, today. I was sitting in my stepdad's hospital room. The nursing staff needed to place a special time release air freshener in his room. He was on a morphine drip. Just sitting in a chair, in his room, alone with him. He kept looking up, at me, but more like looking through me/behind me. That had to be the only holiday, that I did all my xmas shopping on the eve of Christmas. He'd passed on the 23rd. Four years ago, was my last holiday season with my mom. She was really, too tired, to move far from the reclining chair. But, a first for her, since she'd prior, professed to only want o purchase the kids educational toys or clothing, she'd bought the kids non educational toys. I push through the holidays, but at a more relaxed pace. Not many comprehend, what it means to not be out visiting nor to have visitors, for the holidays.

Feeling somber.