Hey,

It’s been a while since I’ve actually been on these forums, and I do admit I’ve not been around regularly, or in the chat rooms for a couple of months. I just think the last few weeks have been so up and down and I guess I felt compelled to come back.

I moved home and counties just in July to a completely new area after leaving university (I’m in England). I’ve had Bipolar (type II) for as long as I can remember (I was diagnosed about 4 years ago but I do recognise that a lot of the ‘signs’ I have now I had before - even back as a teenager). Anyway, I moved cities in July and haven’t really looked back, but now, I guess things have caught up with me – I really miss that place. It was like home even though I knew it would only be for a few years through university.

A month or so before I moved, I went through this hypomanic period for a couple weeks and ended up in a bit of trouble, but when I moved I swore things would be different and that I’d do everything I could to stay ‘stable’. Well, I now live in a different city and have a new CPN - who I get on really well with and she’s class. But even so I find myself getting really depressed and I can’t understand why.

I mean, I have a good life here. I have my flat, a CPN who I like, and a job I can actually enjoy. So many people have so much worse times than I have and I have no reason to feel like I want to just give up and spend my days under a duvet in a dark room pretending I don’t exist but really that’s all I want to do. I don’t understand. I’m not stressed, nothing majors happened – unless you include moving house, but that was near on 6 months ago. – Everything just feels so hopeless and I don’t understand why.

Have any of you ever felt like this - having no exact reason to pin down your emotions to a specific event? I’m not sure I have. Everything always seems to have been a response to something. Even if it was minor, there has always been some sort of shake-up. Now I just don’t know why I’m like this and to be honest I’m lost.
I just wish I knew why I felt like this.

Jqi