Thank you all for your replies
It is most helpful to know that others can relate to this because it made me feel ashamed and dirty that I could protect these monsters and if we were to out them we would have to admit it happened and i am still in the denail stage, I think.
They have brought in a new law here in Ireland that once abuse is mentioned that the therapist has to report it and this will make many people afraid of saying anything, it won't be safe anymore. I think that we go to counselling because we really need to talk about what happened to someone safe who won't tell. If I was to tell who this man was she would have to report it, he is old now and I don't think it would do any good only harm to his family to tell.
I had emotional abuse by my ex parnter and my mother for years and am still confused by it all and what happened, over time it peels back your layers of skin, right down to the bones. Till there is no self esteem or confidence anymore. It is frightening