Hello...

You are trying to get better! That's wonderful..
You do not know what to do...no problem... just stay open to the belief that what you need to accept and begin to choose WILL come to you... probably in bits and pieces...

By the way...
I am somewhat new here, too, but have already found that for me, at least, rambling on can bring important valuable realizations about how I ended going down into what seemed to be an abyss...sometimes just writing about one aspect of myself has led to more understanding about other aspects I need to take care of...and even self-empathy, and I have also benefited from other members picking up on things I've written in my ramblings...things I hadn't fully understood, because it's not quite as easy to see ourselves clearly as impartial 'strangers' can... it especially helps, from what I can see, that we are all here to get honest with ourselves with others who are also suffering from depression... progress can come from just listening to your own posts, or being willing to try on new ways of looking at ourselves from replies and even from reading other posts...

so, anyway...please never apologize for rambling... you may find doing even more 'rambling' cathartic/therapeutic...

Welcome~