Thanks guys. Hope you're ok Chris... Worried when you don't talk.
I took the meds to stay calmer. Came home dealt with son, yelled some. I don't know how we'll make peace. I made it very clear we are supporting sister in her sobriety & no matter what went down in the past - pot is not allowed in the house, zero, judge has threatened her 3 years in prison for smoking pot on probation. No more pot here - and it just might help him get off his arse & get his life together. They are both total addicts cannot just take a lil toke here & there in moderation. And they're both on probation. It has to stop. I have been a total codependant enabler and I'm ashamed. But going forward I'm taking control finally, no more softie pants, my house my rules.

And the mania - I don't want to take it too far this time. I want to be balanced & functioning. The main problem with me when it's manic time, if it's not rageful, is crazy sex & partying. Ok I said it & it's gross when I think of it later. Like hotel I stayed at last night was very nice but also the same one where I went with that washed up rockstar after his show, 24 yrs older than me. And wtf was I thinking. He wasn't the only one last summer either. And... I was t safe. Wtf. Not letting myself go there again. Keeping my party dress on. In fact, I'm gonna wear pants, with a belt with a lock. Oh sheesh I can't believe that weird risky **** I had no business doing. Not letting that happen again Nope!!! At least the 3rd time I had a 3+ month manic stint like that. Time I learn from it. My experience & perspective will help keep me on track.