Ugh, this is one of my most difficult and triggering times. To be around my family, particularly my mother....and I picked them up from the airport this afternoon and have just spent 3 odd hours with them and I am exhausted completely.

I don't want to go in to why being around my mum is so hard....but its awful. I am so surprised by how I feel, I just want to cry but can't start because if I do I may never stop.

To make things more difficult my son loves them to bits, and I want him to have a happy relationship with his grandparents......but it hurts me more than I can express watching my mother be so kind and gentle and patient and loving with my boy.

I frikkin well hate this......i am exhausted and stressed all at the same time.....I just wish I had someone I could turn to. I wish......oh heck I just wish I had someone to hold me. And even writing that I feel bad that I can't even do that for myself, and then that i even have a wish to be held.....because I dont deserve it and am not good enough to ever find it again. And even if I did, it wouldnt last.......ok blah!!

Sorry for the rant....can anyone relate? Or am I alone in these feelings too?